So, what's the plan?

Drivers:

Ross has been driving for twelve years and is very skilled. His motor vehicle, a Subaru Outback, just turned one year old this April. Ross has agreed to let us use this vehicle for our cross country extravaganza. That look of dismay on his face is nothing compared to what it'll look like when he sees how many miles we'll be putting on that baby. Ross has the uncanny ability to hold his need to urinate for what seems like days, making him able to drive without stopping. He can also drive with his knees, making him just as much a driver as he is an entertainer. Known to emit foul smelling flatulence when angry, his mood can make or break this trip.

Music Preference: Hard core rap, Dave Matthews Band, pop and techno.

Estimated Driving Contribution: 8 hours a day.

Ria is originally from New York City so she never learned how to drive. After years of fighting it, she finally decided to learn how to drive in March. After getting an embarrassingly large amount of questions wrong on her learner's permit test, she received her card and was ready to go. Sadly, the weather was not cooperating. She is trying to practice enough to take the road test in May so she may be "qualified" to drive in June. Ria has an extraordinarily small bladder and a serious coffee and cracker addiction. Both these things may call for either frequent stops along the way or massive discomfort for the majority of the trip.

Music Preference: Hard Rock, Heavy Metal, Death Metal, Black Metal, Folk... some pop.

Estimated Driving Contribution: 1/2 - 2 hours at a time.

Miles has been driving for 6 months and is a better driver than all involved. He prides himself on how annoying he can be to others. He is lactose-intolerant, just like Ross and Ria. There may be major bathroom issues because they all love cheese.

Music Preference: Trance, Club, Euro Pop, and any music with whiny vocals.

Estimated Driving Contribution: 1-2 hours a day.

Passenger:

Willow is a 5.4 pound chihuahua/dachshund mix who enjoys looking out the window while riding in the car. Because she's so small, she needs to stand on the tips of her paws to see, which causes her to do back flips whenever the car breaks hard. She enjoys running, eating, pooping and chewing on her toys. In Montana, she loves to dig in mole holes and see what she can find. Glacial rivers are her weakness, due to an incident that happened at the Yaak River last year.

The Trip: 2850 miles over 5 days with stops in random places where, we expect, hilarity will ensue. Food might consist mainly of McDonalds, Denny's and Arby's (Ross' One True Love). Unfortunately, traveling cheaply means to eat unhealthily. Luckily, we'll get plenty of exercise after we're in Montana, which will promptly be cancelled out by our drive back.

Destination: Troy, Montana. Ross' grandmother has a ranch in Troy which Ross and Ria visited last year. The plan upon arrival is to recover, imbibe alcohol, hike, walk around, watch the wildlife and... relaxation. Eating at Odie's Big Sky Cafe and the Silver Spur are a must, along with home cooking. For a fancy night out, we will venturing to the MK Steakhouse in Libby where they serve the best margaritas in town. Lots of green, lots of exercise, lots of silence. Just what one looks for in a summer vacation.

Let's just hope they don't hate each other after this is over.